2...Weeks until his 1st birthday

Holy Crap. Seriously - it cannot be a year. It simply cannot be.

I know that everyone says the first year goes by so quickly - and I honestly didn't believe them, especially at first. The first three months were the longest months of my life. I was off of work, and had this small thing that seemed so foreign to me. Time seemed to stand still - days and nights were the same - and I couldn't wait to go back to work.

When I finally went back to work, I felt disconnected at first, and finally got back in the grind. I was never so excited to go back to work. Pumping sucked....literally and in the way I mean. I dreaded going to the "barn" everyday...I managed to keep doing it for another 3 months. I struggled SO much to make the decision to stop, I won't list all those reasons here, but I was ridden with guilt.

Now, that he's almost one. I would give anything in the world to stay home with him. As much as a cherish the few hours I get with him when I get home, I want so badly to wake up with him, make him lunch, play with him, watch his little body and mind grow. I have a bunch of pictures on my cubical wall of him, and just seeing his little smiling face helps make it through the day.

However, looking back on this year, it has been the craziest year of my life. In 2008, when I got married, got pregnant and bought a house, I thought that was the busiest year of my life, but I was sadly mistaken. 2009 was by far, the most life changing and busiest year of my life. It's AMAZING to see how much he has grown, not only physically but psychologically in a year. I don't feel that I learn much in one year, but he has gone from only knowing how to cry, eat, poop and sleep - - to being able to feed himself, roll, crawl, walk, babble, smile, laugh, and interact.

Do I have baby fever? Yes sir I do. I want to wait to have another until 2011, but we'll see what happens.